I posted a discussion before about dating/marrying a non-Greek, and thanks to everyone who replied and helped! I now have another discussion :) Some of the best relationships I've ever had and alot of my friends have had were never a love at first sight moment, they had to pursue and really try to get the other person's attention and put in effort, and once it happened most of them turned out to be real and amazing relationships.
My question is, how long do you pursue someone before giving up or realizing it's not going to happen?
I have to say, I'm a believer in chemistry and people usually know within one or 2 meetings if they will click. Saying that, I do know alot of my girlfriends met amazing guys where the guy really did pursue them, so in the end I'm not sure if i'm a romantic or if I should be a little more practical! Maybe with age you realize different things...
I think the guy should definitely put in the work if he's interested in you ;) I say about a month and if you don't have any interest let him down after that point, but you're worth the pursuit so make him work!
Both should, but yes the guy must still continue to be the one to chase the girl. Generally I really believe that men know what they want, its up to the woman to realize it. All she has to do is help him out a little and smile so he doesn't feel rejected. If a man feels rejected he will close his eyes and try for another woman, but if he is persistent, then give him a chance.
This is one my biggest peeves with Greek American women.
Though many Greek men often express interest in almost any woman they find interesting (whom I call drivebys =) not all Greek men are like that. I for one, am not. If I express interest in a Greek woman who doesn't show much interest in return (99.9% of Greek women), then I'll usually stop there or be careful in future encounters.
Why? How do I know if she's really not interested, or wants to make me 'work' to gain her affection?
If I'm put myself out there again, then you risk two things:
- humiliating yourself (i.e., doesn't he get it?)
- looking like a stalker
Not all Greek men are Rambo and feel no pain of rejection, or don't think twice about what occurred in previous attempts.
In my experience, this is very much a Greek phenomenon, and would be happy to see it go. Not saying women are purely to blame since men need to become more selective about who they express interest in (most decent guys already are), but I think women hold the key.
I like your way of thinking and yes your right about risking looking like a stalker. I like a guy who chases, it makes me feel better that I'm still attractive to someone out there. One man however I met on facebook lives in my neighborhood, problem is he saw me and I never saw him my friend got to see him, but so he is stalking me. I don't care really, he doesnt look harmful, I just am nervous about the fact he was a married man and on the phone he told me he was divorced for years. but I have to make sure and that she is remarried and out of his life or i won't feel right to come in between. If he just wants to be friends, then I'll hope he finally stops me one day and calls me "Hey ELLADITSA" lol. But I won't be afraid to say hello and chat with him. We were suppose to meet but he cancelled on me because he was going upstate. Oh well, lets see what happens next, but at least I gave him a chance to try to find me, I even told him where I hang out. If he really is interested he can come by as though he is buying coffee and say hello right? Gee I'd do that if I were in his place
Relationships are hard, chemistry is ephemeral. There are so many factors which affect whether relationships succeed or fail. I can understand the examples you've given are quite possible as well as Elena talking about importance chemistry (though I'd rather use the word attraction - that person has to have traits, physical, mental, etc that draw you to him/her). Timing is another factor here. Depending on what someone has going on in his or her life affects how much effort he or she is willing to put forth.
I definitely agree with Elena about age. I'm 39, have a demanding career, and too many interests and too many friends that I don't spend enough time with. I will put forward some effort (and she'll definitely know I'm interested), but if there is no response (as far as I can tell, as once I broke things off as I didn't think she was interested, later to learn that she very much was, but that was too late for me at least), I move on.
I believe that a man should definitely pursue a woman, but I'm not interested in Sisyphian tasks. Other men love the thrill of the chase. Some people think that a level of mystery is important, others will say no matter how much time you spend with someone with depth, there is always more to discover as we never stop growing.
I think you might get different answers from Greeks in Greece and Greek Americans. My perception (which could be way off) is that stalking is less of a problem in Greece than in the States. That said, I try to be pretty careful about not coming off as a stalker, though that is less of an issue with women with a strong European background.
I think I have been of no help whatsoever. It really comes down to who you are and what you want and where you are in life.
I really think you answered very very well kosta and yes Greek men from Greece generally speaking are different on the chase game, they too like it, but there it seems women chase them lol. I think I prefer Greek americans but unfortunately I would love to live in Greece and be a visitor here. This is why I never married. I wanted to live in Greece but couldn't find someone with that same dream. I don't care what they say about Greece, I love it there and I ve gone back n forth and I want to live there and when I die I want my body buried in Greek soil there. If I die here, I 've asked for it to be arranged to have body sent to Greece. no embombent, I don't believe in it and I want to go by our rituals. God be with me that I die in Greece. If I die in the air, well then it won't matter in that case since there is nothing left of us. sorry to bring this up, but I'm too Greek for some people lol but generally Greek americans like the chase and thats what I like
I can say in short words that like Elena said, chemistry usually allows one to know after one or two meetings you may click, or you can be just friends. I believe most people should be friends first so you really can get to know the person and many tend to be open more when their just friends. If there is something you feel stronger, just go for it, and see how far it takes you. And yes Elena your right, with age and experience you do realize things more clearly.
What I have seen is that good relationships are based in friendship and usually take some time. I believe that you should always seek out his intentions and the kind of friends he has. This information will make you think twice whether its a good idea or not. If your the one pursuing him then friendship should be first. After a while of dealing with him you will know if its worth while to continue . again this will take time, a couple of months at least I mean to be sure
The more beautiful a woman is the best thing to do is ignore her. Never give her the edge. Make her think twice . Make her think " every guy thinks i'm hot but this guy just ignores me ". WHY ?. it's physcological war fare. personally i never chased after any women especially after i became financially successful. THEY CHASE ME ! Here in Vegas mouni is so easy to get. It's like turning on the faucet and getting a glass of water. Only distikhos malakas chase women. I hate head games and all the bullshit that drama comes with it.
I think we've gotten a bit off topic from what Maria was asking.
For the record and my contribution to the off-topic discussion, I know plenty of beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent women who do not fit this negative stereotype. There are women who have substance and women without. I think I can say with a fair degree with certainty that the "self-obsessed" women being discussed fall into the latter category. And those I'm simply not interested. I'll stick with the former group.
My sister Caroline makes a mean pork tenderloin, or should I say tenderloins. She's made it in so many ways and with various sauces such as apple, raspberry, mustard cream - you name it, she’s probably tried it. Today she made it in one of my favorite ways - Greek style, which is also one of the easier ways to…